Insomnia
by aachannoichi
Summary: On a rainy sleepless night both The Joy and The Sorrow are experiencing a terrible bout of insomnia. The Sorrow is haunted by memories of their last mission, meanwhile The Joy is distracted by an unusual sensation. Together this sleepless night will bring them unimaginable happiness. -WARNING- This is an Alternative Universe story.


Insomnia

It was a terribly sleepless night in Sashenka's apartment. Try as he may, his thoughts would not settle because of the memories of the Cobra's last mission replayed over and over in his mind. The Cobra Unit were sent on was very distressing. Snatch missions were always extremely dangerous and required intensive planning and exhaustive care in executing, but this was a mission where the stakes were far higher than normal and that was because The Joy was now five months pregnant with his child. Sitting up in his bed Sashenka turned on the lamp that sat on the nightstand and grabbed his glasses. Placing the thin wire framed spectacles on, he then reached for the copy of short stories by Dostoyevsky, but he knew he wasn't up for reading tonight, not even as a vain attempt to momentarily distract himself.

With a sigh he sat the book back down and tried to focus on his emotions and pretending to assuage them, but most likely they would not be easily ignored. So instead of masking his emotions, it was time to reconcile them. Why was The Joy so adamant about going into battle? Her actions seemed to go beyond that of loyalty to one's homeland. It seemed as though she was driven by some unseen outside force. But even if that were true, surely she was concerned for the safety of the child she carried inside of her? Anything could happen to them and she, above anyone, knew the hazards of the battlefield; yet time and again she jumped willingly, happily, into the fray and he hated it. He hated to see her in her olive drab uniform and a black bandanna tightly tied around her head. He hated seeing her marching for hours walking many countless miles, often without stopping, to accomplish a mission. Mostly, he hated seeing her work so feverishly to subdue a target and in this last mission they both worked hard to bring their captive down.

The mission was simple; capture the high ranking Nazi officer and bring him into Allied custody unharmed. But missions of that nature are never easy to accomplish. For one thing, the mountain estate he used as his base of operations was heavily guarded and everyone in the unit worked feverishly to clear a path for The Sorrow and The Joy to capture their target. Then once it was safe for them to proceed with the take down operation, the burly Nazi officer refused to go down without a fight. Both The Joy and The Sorrow tussled with the man. But it was The Sorrow who took it upon himself to handle the worst of the fighting in order to protect The Joy and their child from this violent confrontation. Several times while blows were being thrown, The Sorrow wanted to end it by pumping the entire contents of his TT-pistol unto the stalwart officer's skull. However, The Sorrow knew how important it was for this scum to remain alive, so it took all his emotional restrain to not callously murder his target. After some time, The Sorrow managed to finally wrestle the officer into submission and the Cobras were able to bring him safely into Allied custody.

Successful mission or not, Sashenka still worried about The Joy and her ever progressing condition. He wanted to talk to her and share his concerns for her and their child's safety, but she always avoided the discussion. With a sigh, Sashenka slid back and leaned against the iron headboard of his bed and he looked outside at the rain that was pouring down which seem to perfectly mirror his mood. He wanted so desperately to implore her to stop taking on missions. All missions were dangerous, but the ones The Cobra Unit were sent on were extremely perilous. Snatch Mission, destroying whole compounds, wet-work operations… Any number of catastrophic things could happen to her or the baby while out in the field. She should resting for the sake of the child and focusing on staying healthy, not determining what position a target and his guards will be in and how she and The Cobras would take them all down.

It had been two weeks since the end of that mission and one single thought kept crossing his mind since then, what effect is all this having on their unborn child? This child was often surrounded by death and violence, even before the child came into the world. Would any of that effect the child once he or she was born? Sashenka sighed again. He tried very hard not to vex The Joy, but this question kept gnawing at him and he knew until she answered this question, it would continue to plague him. Sashenka didn't want to, but he had to go to her and get answers to his questions.

It was a little before three in the morning and The Joy was wide awake staring blankly at the ceiling. The Joy was finding out just how elusive sleep could be this stormy morning. Her mind was at easy, but her stomach felt so bizarre and she didn't exactly know what this feeling was. For about thirty minutes she tried to ignore the odd feeling, but it kept persisting. Then she tried to pinpoint exactly what it felt like, but it felt like a lot of different symptoms, yet they were all happening at once. First she thought it could be indigestion. After all, she had the most unusual dinner consisting of half a roasted chicken, a T-bone steak, mashed potatoes, Brussel sprouts, and a disturbing amount of pickles and olives. Once everything was ready to eat, she practically inhaled everything that was sat out before her. Ravenous didn't quite describe her current appetite and eating habits, so no doubt between the meal and the speed in which she ate it caused her normally iron stomach to weaken a bit.

As the strange feeling in her stomach continued, she thought that it may have been gas. Brussel sprouts have been known to cause gas, but that didn't appear to be the problem either. Then she thought she may be hungry again and her stomach was rumbling violently because it needed food. Throwing off her blankets, The Joy got out of bed and began to walk downstairs and to her kitchen to find something to eat. Going into her ice box, she pulled out a few bits of meat and cheese, then walking over to the bread cupboard, she grabbed two slices of bread and began to make a sandwich. Her mouth practically salivated over it, but her mind could hardly believe that she was so hungry this early in the morning.

Just as she put the finishing touches on her sandwich, The Joy heard someone knocking hard at her front door. Suspicious of who may be at her door this late at night, she opened one of her kitchen drawers which hid a 9mm handgun as an emergency measure. Cocking the hammer back to prepare herself for whatever lay on the opposite side of the front door, she dashed out of the kitchen through her foyer, and cautiously prepared to open the front door.

"It is I Sashenka!" He announced before she opened the door.

Immediately, The Joy put her gun at ease and unlocked the door throwing it wide open. Sashenka looked at The Joy earnestly.

"I needed to see you." He said before she could eke out a word.

"I gathered that." She replied still surprised he was standing on her rain soaked doorstep. "Please come in."

Sashenka walked in taking off his wet rain coat and hanging it on a nearby coat rack; meanwhile The Joy closed the door behind them. Stepping in front of Sashenka, she began to walk towards the kitchen.

"Please follow me Sashenka." She said kindly.

Walking behind her, Sashenka followed The Joy into her kitchen. Once inside, The Joy went back to the drawer that held the 9mm and placed it carefully back inside. Then she went back to the table and took a seat in front of her large sandwich. Hungrily she picked it up to prepare to eat. Sashenka couldn't help but smile at her. It was a reassuring site to see her doing something to care for the child inside her.

"So." She said after swallowing down several bites of her sandwich. "What was troubling you so much that you had to visit me this late at night?"

"I couldn't sleep." He said softly.

"Me neither." The Joy answered. "But insomnia is no reason to come to someone's home unannounced, what is the actual matter?"

"I have been worried about you Lilith." Sashenka said with a dark and serious tone. "And I've been worried about our child."

The Joy said nothing. Mostly because she was chewing and her mouth was quite full, but the other reason was she was taken aback by the fact he spoke her real name. The only time she permitted him to address her by her actual name was when they were in the confines of each other's arms or the sanctity of their bed. So he must be enormously concerned if he dared to use her real name.

"I know…" Sashenka breathed out a sigh before continuing. "I know the unit is important to you, but so many things could happen to you and our child on the battlefield…"

"Sashenka." The Joy interrupted. "I don't just do this for the sake of the Cobras. I do it because I must."

"But Lilith…" Sashenka protested.

"Our missions are important for everyone, including our child." The Joy said emphatically.

"But if you were killed on the battlefield…" He said.

"I have been very careful." The Joy countered.

"But you know as well as I do how unpredictable the battlefield can be." Sashenka said. "It's no place for a pregnant woman."

"You worry too much Sashenka." She replied taking another bite out of her sandwich.

"And I don't think you are worried enough." He snapped back.

"I worry plenty!" She said with a trace of vitriol in her voice. "From the second I wake up in the morning I worry about our child, but I don't let my reservations consume me. I do what I must, because I don't see any other choice in the matter."

"But there is always a choice Lilith." Sashenka practically pleaded with her.

"Not for me there isn't." She countered as she finished the last bite of her sandwich.

"Why is that Lilith?" He questioned.

Lilith but didn't answer.

"You always tell me you don't have a choice but you never say why." Sashenka said not angrily, but with more concern and perplexity. "Why don't you have a choice Lilith?"

She looked at him and she honestly wanted to tell him all her secrets, but she wasn't ready to tell him. It would be for the best that she didn't answer him, at least for now.

"Please tell me." He begged her.

"Sashenka, I…" She looked at him again and suddenly that strange feeling in her stomach happened again, but this time is was very powerful. So much so that she wrinkled her nose at the sensation.

Seeing her suddenly change Sashenka knew something odd was happening to her, "What's the matter Lilith?"

"My stomach." She said. "I've been having this peculiar feeling in my stomach for close to an hour now. I thought I may be hungry, but I'm not so sure."

"Are you in pain?" He asked full of concern for both her and their child inside of her.

"It's not painful." She answered. "Just indescribable."

Suddenly it dawned on him what she may be feeling but he wanted to be absolutely certain. Walking over to where she was sitting, Sashenka kneeled down beside Lilith and hesitantly placed his hand to her stomach which, despite her wearing a pair of oversized men's pajamas, was protruding slightly. Once his hand was on her ridged belly, he waited patiently to see if he felt something, and it wasn't too long before he felt the "odd" sensation she was experiencing and he knew exactly what it was.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

He didn't answer her immediately. He was too overjoyed to speak; his blue eyes filled with tears. Finally gaining a little composure he answered, "Lilith, what you're feeling is the very first movements of our child inside you."

"That's what I'm feeling?" She questioned not quite believing him.

"Yes." He said taking her hand and placing it to her stomach. "Feel for yourself."

It was then she felt the child inside of her kicking her. It was indeed a strange feeling, one she never fathomed experiencing, but now that she knew what it was, it warmed her heart until it felt as if it would burst. Lilith looked down at Sashenka and their eyes locked, she took right hand and touched his face gently.

"Now do you understand why I worry so fervidly about you?" Sashenka said gently. "This child… Our child… Means the world to me and so do you Lilith. If you or the child were killed… I would be lost."

"Sashenka…"

"I love you Lilith!" Sashenka exclaimed. "I love you with all my heart and soul."

No matter how many times Lilith heard Sashenka declare his love for her, it always rattled her to her core. She also felt the same way about him, but it was so difficult for her to express how much she loved him. Mostly because she knew this beautiful romance couldn't last forever; God knows she wished every day for a happy ending, but she knew there would be none forthcoming. Once the Philosophers found out about any of this more than likely they would both be killed, their child would be taken and raised to be another pawn in their endless cycle of death and destruction.

This was the secret she hid from him, this was the reason she would never be able to love him with unabashed fervor, moreover this was why she continued to place not only herself, but also their child in harm's way on the battlefield. No matter what her reasons were, it was awful to witness the anguish Sashenka suffered with because of her secrets. She wanted nothing more than to bare her soul and be absolutely honest, but something always prevented her from being honest and never was that more true than now.

"I love you too Sashenka." Lilith whispered.

"Please Lilith…" He begged softly. "If not for yourself then for the sake of our child, please don't continue fighting."

"Sashenka, I…" Lilith began to speak, her voice trembling.

Just as she was about to say something to him the child once again forcefully kicked inside her.

"Oh my." She said taking notice of the strong movement. "This child certain is full of energy."

"Yes." He said also feeling the strong kick. "This child most certainly full of life."

Sashenka wrapped his arms around Lilith's waist and held her tightly, but not too tightly as to harm the child inside her. As he held her, could feel the child still kicking, this was the most joyful moment of his life; to feel his unborn child inside his beloved mother, nothing could be more perfect than this. Meanwhile Lilith held Sashenka tightly. She wanted to freeze this moment in time and wished it would never ever end. It was a perfect moment of love and joy. And for this all too brief moment it felt like they were a perfect family.


End file.
